Becoming over performing
It was a subtle shift over the last few months. A shift in my actions. And a shift in my thoughts. But I entered what I'd like to call the rat race for now. Working long hours. Pleasing clients and friends and new peers in coaching. I said yes without thinking.
Where is our focus?
Before I knew it, I was focused on performing instead of becoming. What does that look like, you ask? For starters, I couldn't stop the doing. Since January, I've worked almost every day including the weekends. I couldn't stop thinking about not disappointing the people in my life. I became defensive when I did it wrong.
Please hear me say. It's not wrong to want to do things with excellence. Or to work hard. Or to work extra days on things you are passionate about.
Where I went astray is not about working hard. It's about where I find my value. And significance. And meaning.
You see, for several months I've been finding my value in doing it right the first time. In having a thriving business just like all the other coaches on the Facebook. In having peers and new clients be wowed by my service. By being seen as an expert instead of someone on a journey.
Finding Value in God's Love
A week ago, as I picked up a new book to read about the idea that God writes and redeems our stories, I had an a-ha moment. In the four months of performing and doing things right the first time, I realized I had lost sight of the fact that God loves me for me. He doesn't love the me that does things perfectly. Well, he does love that me because that is me. But He doesn't love me because I do things perfectly.
He loves the me I can become when I rest in Him. When I lay down my tactics and strategies (I'm a systems and strategies girl) and trust Him to do the work only He can do anyway. When I choose to find my value not in getting things done but in who He says I am.
Laying down our list of to-do's
To be honest, I hadn't realized I had lost my way about resting in God's love for me. And I'm wondering if you too have been operating with a business as usual attitude? Maybe you've been doing the next thing in front of you, and like me, haven't pressed pause long enough to remember that God loves you just as you are. Maybe you've realized lately that you know that God loves you, but don't stop to appreciate it and let it impact your everyday walking around life.
I don't know what it is for you. Maybe you've found yourself performing at work and afraid to disappoint your boss, or your boss' boss, or even your employees. Maybe you've been performing as a parent - always trying to do it right. (it's really okay, our parents didn't always do it right and look how we turned out). Maybe it's in serving and striving to be the best Sunday School teacher or small group leader. Or maybe it's your health - wanting to do it right every Monday only to realize the good health is an overflow of loving God and yourself and journeying to wholeness.
This is a different kind of blog post for me. I'm a fan of the practical tactics. It's at this point, I would normally lay down the three steps or coaching tools that might help you get there.
But this thing. It's a thing of the heart. And I think it's important for you and I to sit and wrestle with it. It's important for you and I to press pause right where we are - in the middle of trying to do it right the first time and pleasing others and getting everything done - and acknowledge that God is crazy about us. Actually, even more importantly, He's crazy about you.
Living in light of God's love for us should change us. Understanding his love should help us say yes to the things we value. It should help us be willing to disappoint friends and coworkers and peers because we are loved for who we are becoming and not for what we can do.
For those of you who need the list of things to do, you can tune into my Friday Facebook video this week. And in the meantime, press pause & carve out some time to read and pray and allow God's love to change you from the inside out.