It was a simple conversation really. She talked and I listened. We didn’t agree on everything. I didn’t jump in to assert my opinion (I may have wanted to). Instead, I provided a space for her to share + process + wrestle. Hours later, I received words that spoke to my soul…thank you for letting me be seen.

Those words spoke to my soul because I hope and pray that all my people feel that way after sitting with me. It spoke to my soul, because deep down, I think we all long for that. For our people to truly see us and know us and love us even when we don’t agree.

Using the Enneagram

So what does this all have to do with the Enneagram? The Enneagram is just a tool. It connects us to why we do what we do and the lens through which we see and show up in the world. And while we typically have one dominant lens, there are nine distinct lenses we can see the world through.

Here’s one distinction. The Enneagram can help us see our own lens clearly and see the lens of our people clearly. But the true change to move with compassion and encouragement in our relationship comes through the Gospel. The Enneagram brings awareness, Jesus is the one who brings the change.

When it comes to holding space for our most important people to be seen and heard, the Enneagram can give us insight into what will connect and encourage each of the nine types. If you’re looking for a way to help your friends and loved ones feel seen, then keep reading as I’ve got some thoughts for each type.

Type 1, The Reformer

Our type 1 friends are hardworking and focused on doing things right the first time. They naturally see where things need to be improved in themselves, others, and the world around them. Because of this they can be hardest on themselves. Encouraging our type 1 friends includes letting them know how much you value their good and thorough work, taking our own responsibility seriously (they feel valued when they see others working as hard as they do), and seeing their ideas not as criticism, but as resolutions to challenges.

Type 2, The Helper

Our type 2 friends are called the helper and are focused on serving others and meeting their needs. They can sometimes do this out of need to be needed and can be reluctant to admit their own needs. We can encourage our type 2 friends by telling them what you appreciate about them and what they do for you, asking them good questions about their life, their feelings, and their needs (they tend to not tap into their own needs in their efforts to serve others). and encouraging them to choose self-care especially when they start to burn out.

Type 3, The Achiever

Our type 3 friends focus on setting and achieving goals and can find their value and worth in accomplishing and doing. We can connect and encourage them by telling them we love them for who they are and not just for what they get done, encouraging & affirming them often (they love to know you are their # 1 supporter), and encouraging them to slow down and reconnect with themselves (this can be excruciating for them but so needed).

Type 4, The Individualist

Our type 4 friends find value and meaning when they are loved for being special and unique. They are focused on connecting with others and long for authentic relationships and meaning. We can encourage our type 4 friends by sharing what you see and appreciate about them, giving them space to feel and experience their emotions (without telling them they are being overly sensitive), and appreciate the gifts they bring to the table (connection, intuition, and creativity).

Type 5, The Investigator

Our type 5 friends value wisdom, knowledge, and research. They face their anxiety by focusing on conserving their resources and giving themselves privacy to process their feelings and thoughts. We can encourage them by giving them space, time, and privacy to recharge without interruption, keeping their confidences (trust is extremely important to them), and be straightforward and to the point when talking to them (long conversations can drain their energy).

Type 6, The Loyalist

Our type 6 friends are generous, warm, and make great problem solvers. They can anticipate things that could go wrong and like to be prepared if those things that could go wrong actually happen. We can encourage them by creating a safe space where they can share their concerns without being judged for their anxiety, recognizing and supporting them when they make a decision (trusting their own decisions is hard for them), and listening to their perspective without forcing them to take a more optimistic view.

Type 7, The Enthusiast

Our type 7 friends love to pursue fun, new & exciting experiences, and keep all their options open. They are the most future-oriented and optimistic types on the Enneagram and are fast-paced thinkers. We can encourage our type 7 friends by giving them space to dream and share their vision & ideas (without shutting that down by getting into practicalities too soon), focusing on balancing both positive and negative when giving feedback, and sharing in their fun, laughter, and spontaneous conversation.

Type 8, The Protector

Our type 8 friends are instinctive, action oriented, and value authenticity & truth. They will jump into action and stand up to protect those who can’t speak for themselves. We can encourage them by being direct and honest with them (they appreciate it when you can be just as direct as they are), being vulnerable with them and telling them you appreciate it when they can be vulnerable with you, and letting them know how much we value their truth telling in our lives and the impact it’s made for us.

Type 9, The Peacemaker

Our type 9 friends, also known as the Peacemaker, are seeking peaceful and harmonious relationships. So much so, that they can sometimes go with the flow and fall asleep to their own feelings and desires. We can encourage them by letting them know that their presence matters, cheering them on when they stand up and voice their own opinions and viewpoints, and listening to them carefully and intentionally (they can tell when you’ve tuned out).

What if you don’t know your type?

The best way to discover your Enneagram type is to step into a journey of self-discovery. Read and study the descriptions of the types and start noticing how you resonate. When typing, it’s best to pay attention to the core fear, core desires, core weaknesses, and the message your heart longs to hear. Some favorite Enneagram resources on relationships include Becoming Us and The Path Between Us.

If you’d rather know sooner rather than later, book a typing session with me. My Enneagram typing sessions can be done in person or via Zoom and include an online Enneagram type assessment, an overview of how the Enneagram works, and a typing interview where we narrow down your type using coaching questions. You can book online and I’ll send you the assessment link to get you started.

Hey friends, I’d love to hear from you. How have you used the wisdom of the Enneagram to connect and support your people? Comment below and lets grow our relationships with compassion together.